Pronunciation

Abstract

For the sake of humanity, I recommend not using it, at almost any cost. Watch Sharknado instead.

Plot:

Oh. The sharks, the Nazis and the awakening serum. Blood and tits.

Revision:

In the tradition of chaos, youthful pride and access to too much technology, Sky Sharks from co-writer/producer/editor/director Mark Fehse is a painful reminder that just because you can, you don’t have to. In the future, when a giant whose CEO injects himself with the company’s exclusive super-serum to stay full of vitality and wrinkle-free, he also happens to own a long-lost iron zeppelin filled with thousands (millions?) of zombified Nazi soldiers from World War II and bio-enhanced, genetically engineered flying sharks that have been swimming around the Arctic for over half a century. For some reason, the airship throws its hideous head into the world and frees its army of zombies and flying sharks that kill everything and everyone in its path, including commercial airliners full of innocent people, including children and married couples having sex on the toilet. These Nazi zombies also have different ways of killing people: They have flamethrowers, machine guns, knives, missiles, sharks, and creative ways to decapitate and/or dismember people sitting on chairs with the metal ropes they use (think the beginning of a ghost ship). They do damage everywhere, but to what end? World domination? They have no demands. Genocide? They’re killing everyone. What’s going on? Doesn’t matter, because the big boss who injects himself with the blue super juice has a plan: He employs two fighting daughters (one of whom is slowly turning into a fascist zombie, but that doesn’t matter), and he sends them out to stop the Iron Zeppelin from conquering the world. What’s on the agenda? Kung Fu! Explosions! Swords! The laser too, I think, but I don’t remember! The world reacts with horror as the war paradise begins between the Nazi shark/zombie horde and the two baby warriors! Who’s going to win? Why is this movie so bad, it should be great!

I don’t know, guys. Apparently Marc Fez thought he was doing something totally unradical. There are flying sharks, fascist zombies, lots of nudity (from the front and more things you rarely see in movies these days) and a constant stream of synthesized wave music on the soundtrack. Watching this movie is like watching a grown child play with all his toys, but in some ways the experience is spoiled and disgusting. Fehse fills the film with recognizable actors like Tony Todd, Cary Hiroyuki Tagawa, Amanda Beers, Lynn Lowry and many others, but he clearly has a misogynistic streak and is also completely unable to craft scenes that have a purpose. The violence is extremely graphic and features jokes and gags that should be funny, but instead it all comes across as immature, vile and gratuitous. Too long and almost two full hours, therefore I recommend, for the sake of humanity, not to do it at all costs. Watch Sharknado instead.

Sky Shark Blue Beam is out of MPI. The trailer is included in the price.

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